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Don't take that statement too lightly. I don't think it too often these days, and I probably say it even less. Even a day spent hanging out with a really good friend or my favourite cousins doesn't necessarily pull it out of me. But today? Walking through town this morning, I was struck by the goodness of today, by the beauty of now, by the alrightness of here. It's a good feeling, so I figured I'd share it with you.
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A month ago, newly returned to the US, and hanging out in Akron for a week-long re-entry retreat, I was overwhelmed by how foreign small-town America seemed. I went for a walk through town one morning before breakfast. I walked over to my friend's apartment, a few blocks away from MCC: I met no one and saw few signs of life. It was too early for people to be going to work, and I did see a few cars driving around, but mostly, I had the sensation of being in a ghost town. If people did live there, they were somewhere shut up in their big houses, sustained in their lonely existence by the many high-voltage electrical lines strung up above the streets. So different from 7 am in Bukoto, when shop keepers were opening their doors, Kajoba was frying chapatis, and dozens of children in multi-coloured uniforms were streaming toward various schools. The feeling I had that morning in Akron is one that has occurred many times over the last month: I don't always quite feel like I belong in this world of personal vehicles, huge lawns, and mega-stores.
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But some days -- and today ranks chief amongst them -- that feeling shifts. I feel good, I feel at home, I don't feel quite so much on the edges, I am reminded that this is the place from which I have grown.
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This morning, I filled out an online job application. I applied to be a substitute teacher in the county, a job which does not exactly excite me, save for the chance to reintroduce structure to my life and offset some of the expenditures I've been making lately. I've been a sub before, in this same county, but have to re-do the entire application/background check/training process because I had taken my name off the list. Hopefully I'll be able to work enough days this fall to make the process worth it again. Regardless, though, completing the online part of the application provided a sense of accomplishment I haven't felt in awhile. My to-do lists (both mental and written) have mostly been ignored for the last couple weeks: transitioning home has been difficult for a multitude of reasons, and I haven't been doing much of what I expected myself to do. So, the fact that I both made a loan payment and applied for a job this morning was something of a big deal. Or at least, it made me feel a little better about my ability to actually accomplish things.
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After completing the application and talking to someone in HR (I have to go pick up more forms and then attend an afternoon training session next week), I tackled another item on my to-do list, this one a more recent addition: heading to the post office to send a book I sold on Amazon over the weekend. I packaged it up, remembered to grab some cash, and headed toward Main Street, a few blocks and a couple turns away from my house.
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As always, I smiled at the resourcefulness of the neighbours who are selling "zukes, cukes, and squash" at a table in front of their house. Crossing the railroad tracks always reminds me of the train that used to come through our driveway when I was younger, and the smell of grass being cut in an open lot recalls memories of grass-stained feet, summer "carnivals" in the backyard, and corn on the cob. The UPS guy said "hi" when he stopped to drop off a package, and some other woman greeted me in front of the municipal building. Traffic is slow and sporadic on Main, and people have time to make eye contact and wave.
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At the post office, I was helped by a kid I don't know, who nevertheless made a joke and saved me money. And, of course, I was greeted by one of the women who know my mother and helped send numerous letters and a few packages to Uganda. An elderly man thanked me for holding the door for him, and I headed back up the street. The guy on the lawn mower waved when I walked past, and I inhaled the varnish from the furniture shop around the corner. Some of the leaves are changing colour: autumn has always been my favourite season.
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Walking up my street, the character of which has changed so much since we moved here twelve years ago (google maps always tries to send people through a big patch of grass that hasn't been a road since before I finished high school!), I felt at home here and now, in this small part of "America."
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The goodness of the moment welled up within me: today is truly a good day.
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