A Reflection on My Growth...

The question MCC asked: Did you grow personally, spiritually and vocationally? Be specific.
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I feel that it’s a bit hard to be “specific” when I’m still here and still living and experiencing this assignment as a present reality. That said…
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Personal Growth
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-Early in my assignment, when my relationships here were still new (or even, in many cases, non-existent), I realized how much I have always relied on other people—friends, professors, family members—to buoy my self-esteem and confidence when I faced challenges or adversity. That realisation, at a point when my relationships here were still developing and as I was about to begin teaching for the first time, was an insight which helped me face struggles and find strength within myself. Even though my relationships here are now much stronger—and more numerous—this assignment has helped me to develop more confidence in my own strength and abilities.
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-I don’t think I’ve ever been a short-tempered person, but this assignment has taught me to shrug my shoulders and laugh in situations where I might once have been quite frustrated or angry. Rare is the day when I actually get to teach all of the lessons allotted to me on the time table. Where this used to frustrate me greatly, I’ve learnt to let it go. Letting go of any expectations that a schedule will be followed, that people will translate long speeches for me, that I will be charged a fair price, or that people won’t judge me first by the tone of my skin has been a freeing experience. And how sweet it has become to savour the times when things do go as planned, when resources are available, when children greet me by name, and when people relate to me simply as a friend.
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-I think my understanding of poverty and climate change have both been transformed as well. Where I once understood these as abstract concepts, they now have faces, names, and stories. I teach students who walk to school with empty stomachs but plead for homework, know families who live on far less than $1 per day, and see gardens dried up because the rains haven’t come. I have pumped and carried my own water; taught in classes lacking windows, doors, and cement floors, during the rainy season; and sat beside illiterate eighteen year olds struggling to finish primary school. With all of this in my heart and memories, I know I won’t go back the same, though what specific changes I will make remain yet to be seen.
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Spiritual Growth
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-A year ago, I graduated from college with a degree in “Christian Ministry,” bitterness regarding the fundamentalism I once adhered to, a million questions about theology, and a belief that faith exists not in the space where all those questions are answered, but where they are simply lived with. This year, I have lived amongst people who characterise faith not as specific beliefs, but as tradition and practice. In a Catholic community where I can never understand the homily but am always invited to take the Eucharist, it has been refreshing to simply live faith. Live and let live. Love each other and do what you can to assist. These are not simply philosophical ideals for my neighbours and friends here—regardless whether the “other” is Catholic, Protestant, Muslim, or that strange unknown, “Mennonite.” I hope I will take much of this same “practice of faith” with me when I return.
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Vocational Growth
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-Awhile ago, I read some passages by an author (whose name currently escapes me) who talked about vocation as a never-ending journey, as a “calling” that can only be understood years later when a person looks back on it. So, in that context, yes, I have grown vocationally. I have journeyed further along my life’s path—I have been a teacher, a friend, a daughter—and I have learnt more about myself in the process. I have worked hard to love others, even in the midst of conflict and cultural misunderstanding, so perhaps my capacity to love has been stretched in the process. I have embraced the role of teacher (a role which once seemed far bigger than I felt qualified for), but continued to learn. I have shared the same struggles and frustrations as my colleagues, and I admire their commitment to their work. I know now that I could not work in this role long-term (i.e. more than a few years), simply because the constraints of the syllabus and the lack of resources would eventually overwhelm me. And yet, it has certainly been a growing experience to work in a position where the needs—academically, physically, emotionally—are in reality too great to be met. It is difficult and humbling to see needs and not be able to meet them, to not be able to provide much more than love to these dear children. Any idealistic hopes I may once have had to “change the world” have given way to a desire to simply walk alongside and love the people I meet.
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And also, my hair has grown. A lot.